One thing I’ve realized about myself is that it would often take me a long time to get over things, mainly the past. Sometimes it would be relationships. I would know that they have run their course, but, I would hold on, thinking it’s my responsibility to keep things going, even if I felt disrespected. Past offenses that I would carry in my heart would often take charge of my emotions if someone dared cross that line again. I would find myself wishing I could be more like a person who was able to let things roll off of their backs as water rolls off of a duck.
Suddenly, I am.
Reflecting back to about 9 years ago, I remember becoming overwhelmed with all of the relationship issues, offences, lack of encouragement and my attitude that it was all I could do to make the 5-minute drive to my son’s school, drop him off and come back home to throw myself across my bed in despair. I began to pour out to God everything that ‘they’ said and what ‘they’ did and how those things led to my emotional state at the time. I did note to Him that they were wrong. After that, He gave me an answer.
What He told me at the time bothered me. Being so caught up in myself, I didn’t want to receive it. He told me, “While that may be, you are going to have to determine how you are going to react to these things.” Well! Not only did He not come to my defense as I thought He would, He didn’t seem to sympathize with what I was going through. Or did He? Jesus said in John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Instead of coddling me, He made me realize that I had some responsibility to share in what I was going through.
I wish I could say that I took those words of Jesus and let it all go. I wish I could say that was the last time I dealt with that issue, but, I can’t. The next time around, He brought to my attention that I was giving away something that wasn’t mine to give. Ouch. While sometimes we can so eloquently speak the word, we sometimes forget it applies to us, as well. I was letting my peace slip away for things that served no other purpose than to take me off the task of maturing into who Christ wants me to be.
No more.
It’s been a long time since that day. To be honest, I’ve stumbled back to that place along the way. Sometimes we do it on this road we’re traveling. This year, though, let it be a start to letting go of the things and people that are holding you back from getting where you need to be. Further down, you’ll find the ones that are destined to push you farther than you’ve ever gone! - pyh
